Dealing with change
Change is the only constant. I used to have no idea what that saying means. In this blog article, I will tell you how I managed dealing with changes in a more relaxed manner and what you can do as well.
Changes used to stress me out a lot. Through my childhood I was under constant stress because nothing was tangible and nothing was constant. I was always on alert and had to take care of myself.
I carried these internalized patterns with me for a long time as an adult. This restricted me though because I was afraid to take certain steps or actively making a change. I liked it best when everything stayed relatively the same and I could rely on it.
It took me a while to realize how bad this behavior is for me. Fortunately, I developed resilience (inner resistance) early in my childhood. This helped me a lot to take the step towards healing and to accept change.
After realizing that change is part of life and I can’t stop it no matter how much I wish I could, I started to accept it.
A motto I’ve had since then, you could also call it an affirmation, is change it – accept it or leave it.
What I mean by that is either I can change something on the outside so that it’s okay with me again. For example, if I don’t like a job and I feel that it’s not good for me, I can address issues that bother me and try to change or adapt them.
If I can’t change it and I feel that it’s not good for me, then I can accept it. In this way, I can simply accept the points that bother me at the unpleasant job and not think about it any further.
Last but not least, if all else fails, I can change jobs and thus get out of the uncomfortable situation.
With all 3 options, I have made a change for myself that has a positive effect. In the end, it’s always about deciding for myself, can I change or accept it and if neither is possible, then I let it go.
What also helped me immensely was personal development. A big development started with Laura Seiler’s RUSU and I think it will be with me for the rest of my life.
Dealing with myself, getting to know myself, my strengths and weaknesses, recognizing some of my beliefs and accepting who I am has helped me a lot to cope with the changes that are constantly happening around us.
Especially in the last 2 years, we have all felt extremely how quickly life outside can change. Suddenly, normal, everyday things were no longer allowed or socially accepted. We all had to learn to deal with it.
I think the Corona times left something behind for everyone. Ultimately, however, one emerges from such crises either stronger or weaker.
I can say for myself that I have grown a lot over the years and have worked on myself a lot. So I think I’ll come out of this crisis stronger and everything I’ve learned will help me in the rest of my life.
What you can do
Trust in life, that life means well with you.
I’m still practicing a lot to be able to trust completely. I’m actually more of the control type, simply because that’s been my survival strategy so far. Furthermore, I wish very much and also know that I will soon learn, that I can trust life completely.
Because if I trust life, let go and surrender to the flow of life, I can deal well with changes. Because these are part of it and are always for my best.
When I think about it, I know that everything in my life so far has been for the best. While I would have preferred not to have had some experiences, they have made me the person I am today. And I’m pretty proud of that 😊.
Therefore, believing in changes, that they are for our good, helps immensely to cope with them.
Mindfulness, living in the moment, can also help you cope with change.
If I practice being in the moment, being mindful of what I’m doing, of what’s happening around me, then a change can’t affect me as much, and I’m more relaxed about it.
Very practically, no matter what storm is raging around me, if I pause, pay attention to my breathing, do the activity I am doing, such as washing the dishes, then suddenly the storm is no longer so important. Then it is important how the water feels on my hand, how the foam forms and how stains disappear.
That means when I feel like I’m being swept up in a storm of change, and I’m feeling like I’m drowning, I consciously take time to be mindful. To be within me.
Self-confidence and self-efficacy
A very important point to cope with changes in the outside world is self-confidence and also the perceived self-efficacy.
If I trust myself and my abilities, I can look at changes more relaxed. Because then I know I can do it, and I’ll get through it, no matter what.
A big step for me towards more self-confidence was the trip to Australia alone. For me, the greatest experience like that so far in my life. I brought a lot of confidence with me home from Australia, and I know I can count on myself 😉.
I think to develop more confidence, it helps to do things that you know you can do. Start small and then think bigger. The more you achieve the goals you have set yourself in life, the more things you start and finish successfully, the more secure you are with yourself and the more you trust in yourself and your abilities.
Setting goals for yourself, having desires and pursuing them can also help to deal with change.
When life just seems to rush past me and I don’t exert any influence, it may be that changes throw me off track or give me a feeling of powerlessness.
If instead I have wishes from which I create goals and then actively pursue them, I generally feel more able to shape my life. If I actively shape my life, I constantly assume changes and actively create them.
As a result, a change doesn’t seem like something that overwhelms me, but rather like something that occurs naturally, but which I can use for myself.
Even when there are major changes, like Corona is now, personal goals can help to cope with the situation.
For example, I focused on my personal development and got through the crisis well like this. I even have the feeling that I have used the time well for myself and that I have grow.
Relationships are super important to deal well with change.
Only those who have stable and reliable relationships with others can react well to changes. We are social beings and therefore need contact and relationships.
Now that they’re reliable, we know that no matter what happens, we’ll have people to support us. When instead we feel alone and lonely, we have to rely completely on ourselves and that can be a lot of burdens to weigh on our shoulders.
Family is of course a big point in this regard, especially for reliability. For me, however, I have learned that blood is not necessarily the decisive factor in who is there for me. So I think if you have a family that supports each other, great. If, instead, you don’t have a stable family or part of your family isn’t reliable, then look for contacts that are good for you and form your own relationship family.
Therefore, maintain your contacts and relationships. Call that one friend and see her again.
Accepting the changes also helps to deal with them.
As described above, this was one of my greatest learnings and has been my motto ever since – change it, accept it or leave it.
Acceptance of the situation is, no matter how, always important. I have to first accept that life is change. Then I have to accept the change itself. It’s not always as easy as it sounds. However, it helps immensely to initially accept that the change has occurred. Of course, I don’t always have to agree with the result, but then I can proceed as described above.
Of course, self-love can also help you to deal with changes.
For me, self-love doesn’t mean that I always think I’m great, beautiful and successful. But that I accept and appreciate myself as I am. Because I am good just the way I am, and nothing and nobody on the outside can change that!
And that brings us to the point where self-love can help to deal with change. If I rest within myself and know who I am, what I want and that I’m good, then theoretically anything can happen around me.
I often have the image of a storm in my head. Whenever I get overwhelmed by everything that’s going on around me, I imagine myself standing in the middle of a storm’s eye. It’s quiet there, nothing happens.
This calmness is me, it is within me, no matter what is happening outside. Even if I forget that it’s there, it’s always there.
This image always calms me down and brings me back to the moment and to myself. Maybe it can also help you if you feel overwhelmed by changes on the outside.
But what self-love can also help with is that I take time for myself, especially when a lot is happening outside. Then I try to meditate a lot, take my time in the shower, pay particular attention to my beauty routine and, if I can manage it, eat a particularly healthy diet.
That means when things get wild on the outside, make sure you and your body are well.
Routines also help me immensely to deal with external changes.
For example, as already described, I have a morning routine that I do every day. But my everyday life is also characterized by routines. These give me security and a feeling of control – yes, we’re at that point where it can also be bad. Still, security is what we seek when everything on the outside is uncertain due to change.
In other words, look for routines that are good for you and celebrate them, especially if you feel that changes on the outside confuse or unsettle you.
So what helps me and can also help you to deal with changes?
- Motto: accept it, change it or leave it
- Personal development
- Trust in life
- Mindfulness, living in the moment, and celebrating it
- Feel self-confidence and self-efficacy
- Having and maintaining reliable relationships
- Accept change as part of life
- Have wishes, create goals from them and pursue them
- Strengthen and celebrate self-love – I am the eye of the storm
- Create and celebrate routines
I hope that my ideas can also help you to deal better with changes next time.
I wish you a peaceful day, evening or morning.
2 thoughts on “Dealing with change”
I really loved reading your blog.it made me tear up a bit.
Thinking i know this amazing lady..and look at where she has come.
Life is amazing and hiw we deal with it..
You will also be pleased I am about to launch a book on my childhood traumas.
A very healing process.
Oh Carol, thank you so much!!! How amazing! I need to know the name, so I can read it. I think it’s the same with me – this blog is a healing process for myself a bit and I hope so much to inspire others with it too. ❤